Survive the Trolls Survival Guide is a book about troll safety.
Transcript[]
It is very easy to be complacent about the hazards of Broken Valley, but one can never stress enough the danger posed by trolls.
Did you know?
Trolls are known to cut holes in the roof of cottages and scamp until the roof collapses, killing the inhabitants and making a nice tender meal?
A troll can, with one swipe, disembowel or decapitate a human?
Trolls will often cook their meals spitted over a fire, seasoned with fat fern spores, while drunk from consuming gallons of Moonshine Brew?
Travel Safely
Troll attacks happen quite frequently. While trolls may appear to be slow and cumbersome creatures, they have more wiles than you'd give them credit for. So always travel with a sturdy and strong weapon and always plan your journey with the utmost precision. Follow the guidelines in the 'Avoiding Attacks' section.
Avoiding Attacks
Show anger! Make a noise and wave your hands.
Avoid carrying tasty-smelling food: trolls are gluttonous and have a strong sense of smell.Never feed the trolls!
Avoid areas where goblins congregate: trolls may well be close by.
Ensure you have some Allan's Troll Repellent. Apparently it is about thirty eight percent effective.
Do not travel alone, and make as little noise as possible.
Never approach a troll. In fact, should you see a troll: RUN!!!
If You Are Attacked
Crawl into a ball, but if it continues to attack fight back.
Playing dead does not always work.
Attack their snouts and eyes, or its nether regions if it is male.
There is no fool-proof defence. Avoidance is best.
Troll Traps
Troll traps are usually close to rock faces and caves, which constitute the most frequent troll habitats. They tend to search for food in their locality. They dig out deep pits and then cover the hole with branches and leaves. Occasionally, a misguided troll will throw a rotten vegetable in thinking it will attracts humans. No, they are not incredibly clever. The best way to avoid a trap is to steer clear of troll habitats, and if you do have to venture into these areas be vigilant and watch where you step. Do not, under any circumstance, knowingly enter a troll pit.
Treat the threat of trolls seriously and you will live another day. Take heed!